Unsuccessful

   I can't stop the hurt that flows through my bruised veins. What has become of these feelings, thoughts, and action. A sense of denial, unfulfilment, just torn between the happiness of others. What has my relationship come to, what has my enjoyment brought upon my future. It's more than time to adjust and remain true, I must be thankful that a blessing that brings so much joy at the same time brings so much change and burden upon ones' life didn't fall on me. I've been through the hurt and pain of being unsuccessful but those that have been careless, just pass me by on the scale of being successful. It seems as though I have dreamt many times of me holding you, smelling your soft, smooth, curly hair. Why has this moment, have such an strong impact, is it that my maternal instinct kicked in an won't turn itself off. Why has these feelings broke me down to nothing but a pee stick. I feel that its missing, like you are missing. Nurturing wise... I'm ready for you but my bank won't let me have you. Month to month you're still not here... for the many months that I wanted you. I could have held you in my arms. I yell and scream of the feel that my maternal instincts won't go away. Please let me go, so I can have peace in my own mind, soul and most of all my heart. I see those that made the mistake that I have been dreaming of and have no connection with their offspring. I'm crying as loud as my lungs where build for and no sound leaves my broken lips. That I long to kiss your forehead...